`I have always noticed that deeply and truly religious persons are fond
of a joke,
and I am suspicious of those who aren't.'
Alfred North Whitehead, English philosopher
A SIMPLE QUESTION
Once there was a monk who was an expert on the Diamond Sutra,
and as books were very valuable in his day, he carried the only copy in his
part of the world on his back. He was widely sought after for his readings
and insight into the Diamond Sutra, and very successful at propounding its
profundities to not only monks and masters but to the lay people as well.
Thus the people of that region came to know of the Diamond Sutra, and as the
monk was traveling on a mountain road, he came upon an old woman selling tea
The hungry monk would have loved to refresh himself, but alas, he had no money.
He told the old woman, "I have upon my back a treasure beyond knowing
-- the Diamond Sutra. If you will give me some tea and cakes, I will tell
you of this great treasure of knowledge."
The old woman knew something of the Diamond Sutra herself, and proposed her
own bargain. She said, "Oh learned monk, if you will answer a simple
question, I will give you tea and cakes." To this the monk readily agreed.
The woman then said, "When you eat these cakes, are you eating with the
mind of the past, the mind of the present or the mind of the future?"
No answer occurred to the monk, so he took the pack from his back and got
out the text of the Diamond Sutra, hoping he could find the
answer. As he studied and pondered, the day grew late and the old woman packed
up her things to go home for the day.
"You are a foolish monk indeed," said the old woman as she left
the hungry monk in his quandary. "You eat the tea and cakes with your
AT LEAST AS HARD AS YOUR BAD HABIT
I was driving Suzuki Roshi. My friend in the backseat, with cigarettes
in his shirt pocket, asked about Zen.
"Zen is hard," Roshi said. "It is at least as hard as quitting smoking."
"To Shine One Corner of the World: Moments with Shuryu
Suzuki: Stories of a Zen Teacher Told by His Students" (Edited by David Chadwick)
WORSE THAN A CLOWN
There was a young monk in China who was a very serious practitioner
of the Dharma.
Once, this monk came across something he did not understand, so he went to
ask the master. When the master heard the question, he kept laughing. The
master then stood up and walked away, still laughing.
The young monk was very disturbed by the master's reaction. For the next 3
days, he could not eat, sleep nor think properly. At the end of 3 days, he
went back to the master and told the master how disturbed he had felt. When
the master heard this, he said, "Monk, do you know what your problem is? Your
problem is that YOU ARE WORSE THAN A CLOWN!"
The monk was shocked to hear that, "Venerable Sir, how can you say such a
thing?! How can I be worse than a clown?" The master explained, "A clown enjoys
seeing people laugh. You? You feel disturbed because another person laughed.
Tell me, are u not worse than a clown?"
When the monk heard this, he began to laugh. He was enlightened.
36 YEARS OF SILENCE
An aspiring Monk wanted to find a Guru. He went to a monastery
and his preceptor told him: "You can stay here but we have one important
rule - all students observe the vow of silence. You will be allowed to speak
in 12 years time."
After practicing for 12 long years silent meditation etc., the day came when
the student could say his one thing or ask his one question. He said: "The
bed is too hard."
He kept going for another 12 years of hard silent meditation and got the opportunity
to speak again. He said: "The food is not good."
Twelve more years of hard work and he got to speak again. Here are his words
after 36 years of practice: "I quit."
His Guru quickly answered: "Good, all you have been doing anyway is complaining."
^Top of Page
THE GEOTHERMICS OF HELL
Who says religion and science aren't compatible???
The following is an actual question posed on a University of Washington chemistry
mid term. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues,
which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing
in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and
the rate they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will
not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions
that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you
are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are
more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure
in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all
Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me
by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold
day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that
I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2
cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not
The student received the only "A" given.
FACTS ABOUT LIFE ON TV
50 Things you would never know if it weren't for TV!
1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate
any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear, preferably carrying
candles which will be blown out by the slightest draft.
2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St
Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
3. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level
on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the
control tower to talk you down.
6. Once applied, lipstick and any other make-up will never rub off - even
while scuba diving and sleeping.
7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place and leads
to any location in the building, including the safe. No one will ever think
of looking for you in there.
8. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake
of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be
necessary to speak the language. English with a German accent will do, provided
you are blonde.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
11. People never finish their drinks.
12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will
wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds afterwards. This generally leads
to a sex scene.
13. The chief of police is always wrong.
14. When paying for a taxi, just grab a note from your pocket and hand it
over. It will always be the exact fare.
15. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15
16. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night,
you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
17. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip
club at least once.
18. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every
morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
19. Any American movie will contain a car chase, unless it was made by Walt
Disney. Cars and trucks that crash will always burst into flames after they
have come to a standstill and the hero is running away from it at 5 to 10
20. Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist makes a man invulnerable to bullets,
provided he is the main character. Unimportant bad guys are killed instantaneously
with one bullet or punch. Important bad guys nearly kill the hero savagely
before they are killed.
21. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football
22. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax
and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
23. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth, were well-fed, wore clean clothes
24. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object
out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
25. All single women have a cat.
26. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
27. Even when driving down a completely straight road, it is necessary to
turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. Similarly,
when driving a curvy road, the slightest movement of the steering wheel will
do the job.
28. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than
20 men firing at one.
29. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
30. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by frantically
beating the cradle and saying, "Hello? Hello?"
31. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any
of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
32. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by
dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
If two men attack at the same time, the one behind you will firmly hold you
up, so you can free your legs to kick the one coming from the front. If two
men simultaneously attack from left and right, just a step backwards is sufficient
to have them knock each other out.
33. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you
are speaking to, one stands behind them and talk to their back.
34. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will
still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
35. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
36. Police departments give their officers undergo personality tests to make
sure they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
37. Action heroes never eat and drink when chased for weeks, do not go to
the toilet or need more than 5 minutes of sleep per day.
38. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage,
despite laying entire cities to waste.
39. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system
is never damaged.
40. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a
heavy thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in
41. You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one.
42. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies
using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases,
lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes
43. There are three types of criminals: megalomaniacs, Italian mafiosi and
brain-dead muscle packs.
44. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions
- can be played with moving the fingers randomly.
45. All bombs are camouflaged using electronic timing devices with large red
displays, showing exactly when the device will detonate. They are always disarmed
by clipping one of two wires when the clock displays 3 seconds or less.
46. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting,
cars need not be locked, nor keys taken out. If keys ere taken out of the
ignitiuon, they should be left on top of the sunshade.
47. Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, they should
be thrown away. You can always find a new one which is loaded.
48. The weather always indicates what will happen next: rain will bring sadness
(unless the film is called 'Singing in the rain'), thunder will bring fear
49. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty
and continues the case in his own time.
50. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will
know all the steps.
BILL GATES GOES TO HEAVEN
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory,
being sized up by St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send
you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting
a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly
Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case;
I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?"
St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will
help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?"
"I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was
a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad
women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.
The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I really want to see
"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the
clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice,
but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered
"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.
"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire."
So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on
the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he
found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves,
being burned and tortured by demons.
"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.
Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "this
is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe
this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches,
the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!???
"That was a demo," replied St. Peter.
^Top of Page
Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR
FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE: 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG, 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE
On a church door:
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR.
(THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
English sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING.
IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED.
Outside a photographer's studio:
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
SLOW CATTLE CROSSING.
NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
Outside a disco:
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN.
Sign warning of quicksand:
ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED.
BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:
DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS
WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST
TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER
Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED
Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH,
BUT OUR PETROL IS
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT:
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER.
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
^Top of Page
MICROSOFT VERSUS APPLE
Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling
by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each
buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft
"Watch and you'll see," answers the Apple engineer.
They all board the train. The Microsoft employees take their respective seats,
but all three Apple engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind
them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting
tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket please." The door
opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor
takes it and moves on.
The Microsoft employees saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So
after the conference, the Microsoft employees decide to copy the Apple engineers
on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip.
To their astonishment, the Apple engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket" says one perplexed Microsoft
"Watch and you'll see," answers an Apple engineer.
When they board the train the three Microsoft employees cram into a restroom
and the three Apple engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the Apple engineers leaves his restroom and walks
over to the restroom where the Microsoft employees are hiding. He knocks on
the door and says, "Ticket, please"...
Personal note: I do use a Window-based PC, but....
MICROSOFT VERSUS GENERAL MOTORS
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly
compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would
all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy
a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95"
or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five
times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on five percent
of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced
by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned
the key, and grab hold of the external radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand
McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them
nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause
the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become
a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn
to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the
same manner as the old car.
13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine."
Bill Gates' response has not been made public.....If he had one....
REPAIRING A CAR
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a MCSE
(Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer) were out riding, when their car broke
down, and they couldn't get it started.
The mechanical engineer suggested that the it was a failure somewhere in the
drive train, but after checking it out he found that the engine and transmission
The electrical engineer thought it might be the ignition system; lifted the
hood, checked for a spark, and found that everything was OK.
The MCSE was driving and suddenly gets out of the car, slams the door, opens
the hood and looks inside, slams that, gets back into the car, opens and closes
all the windows and looks at his passengers and says, "There, it should start
right up now..."
^Top of Page
GUIDE TO MALE EXPRESSIONS
"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "You boring woman, I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and
stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete
IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "You women never understand, it's just fun. There is no rational
thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. If anything, it
means; "I haven't heard what you said."
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first
girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I've ever owned, but sorry, I forgot your birthday."
"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I
admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I can think of some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "Help, it didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely
"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately
that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: "Please stop trying on any more dresses, I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
VALUABLE LESSONS FROM OUR PARENTS
All the things my mother taught me:
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do
it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
FLEXIBILITY - "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you;
would you listen then?"
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - Stop acting like your father!"
What my father taught me:
LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."
IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry out."
OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you
ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the
middle of next week!"
^Top of Page
Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom
of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to
the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life,
and resisting the current what each had learned from birth.
But one creature said at last, "I trust that the current knows where it is
going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall
die of boredom."
The other creatures laughed and said, "Fool! Let go, and that current you
worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the rocks, and you will
die quicker than boredom!"
But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was
tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks. Yet, in time, as the
creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom,
and he was bruised and hurt no more.
And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried, "See, a miracle!
A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the Messiah has come to save
us all!" And the one carried in the current said, "I am no more a Messiah
than you. The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our
true work is this voyage, this adventure".
But they held on to their rocks and cried, "Saviour!", making legends of a
^Top of Page
THE SUSPICIOUS ARAB
Yesterday I was on the Underground travelling on the District
A man of Arabic appearance got off the train and I noticed that he had left
his bag behind. I grabbed the bag and ran after him, caught up with him at
the top of the escalator and handed him back his bag.
He was extremely grateful to me and reached into his bag which appeared to
contain large bundles of banknotes. He offered me a reward, but I refused.
So he looked round, made sure nobody was looking and whispered to me: "I can
never repay your kindness, Sir, but I will try to leave you with a word of
advice. Stay away from Aberdeen Steak Houses."
I was terrified. "Is there going to be an attack?" I whispered.
"No." he whispered back "The food is shit and the dessert selection extremely
THE OLDEST PROFESSION
A doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, and a computer programmer were waiting for
a bus when they got to discussing which had the oldest profession.
Obviously it was law, said the lawyer. Moses gave the 10 commandments over
3,000 yrs ago, and that's older than either of ur jobs.
Not so fast, says the doctor. Before that, God created Eve out of Adam's rib,
and that was a surgical proceedure at least, so mine is older tha all of yours!
Hey, that's pretty good, said the engineer, but even before that, God created
the universe out of chaos, which was the first engineerimng job ever, and
before any of those other things.
They all turned and looked smugly at the programmer, whose tools of the trade
were well know no be only a few decades old. He smiled back and said: "Ah,
but where do u think the "chaos" came from?
A paratrooper was scared to jump. His instructor told him,
"If anything goes wrong, say, `Buddha oh Buddha' and you will be saved." The
paratrooper got so scared that he forgot to pull his rip cord. So he said,
"Buddha oh Buddha," and a hand came out and saved him. He said, "Thank God,"
and he was dropped.
More great Buddhist fun stuff on the
Lighter Side of Buddhism of the site 'What Do You Think My Friend'?
February 6, 2011